Monday, December 22, 2008

a mystery to me

Can anyone explain to me why the Entenmann's Company persists in making the "Plain Donut?" If you've ever been to a meeting where they have a box of Entenmann's Assorted Donuts laying out, have you ever seen anyone grab the Plain Donut first? My only guess as to why this least liked of all doughnuts still earns a spot next to its far superior contemporaries, "White Powder" and, the apogee of all fried dough treats, "Chocolate Covered Yellow Squishy Cake," is to serve as a form of punishment. If you see someone eating a Plain Donut, you know he got to the meeting late. For that sorry son of a bitch, the flavorless, brown doughnut he's forcing down with coffee is no treat; its a humiliating Scarlet Letter he has to wear to show everyone he's the guy who can never be anywhere on time.

I know someone out there is saying, "Armin, that doughnut is there for the person who doesn't want the calories that are packed in the more delicious doughnuts." But, if you don't want calories, you probably shouldn't be eating anything with the name Entenmann's in the first place. This doughnut has all the ass widening capabilities of the other two without the desired yumminess. Eating this doughnut is like contracting gonorrhea without even getting to have sex with the hooker.

Wow, even I'm surprised by how much invective this stupid doughnut has provoked in me. You'll have to excuse me, someone recently gave me a half eaten box of Entenmann's Variety Pack Donuts and I just ate three Plain donuts which I dunked in my bitter tears of disgust.