Moving to Portland, OR... more on that in another blog post. Thursday was the first day of my drive to the Northwest with a short detour to Houston, TX to see an old friend.
On my 12th hour of driving I was somewhere in VA, buzzing on soda, at that weird hyper-energetic moment that precedes complete exhaustion and body collapse. I stopped to use a bathroom at McDonald's. Walked into the bathroom, looked around, and thought it odd that I didn't see any urinals. I dismissed the thought and let myself into a stall where next to the toilet I saw a trash can with a label "For the disposal of tampons and sanitary napkins ONLY!"
Good, I thought. They're making trash cans with universal labels so that people can't complain that the men's bathroom is sexist and unconcerned with women's needs. I unzipped, and began whistling "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins when a nagging voice kept tugging at my brain. Wait a second, Armin! Wait a damn second! Don't start peeing yet! Nothing adds up here. The lack of urinals, the trash can for feminine waste, the pink walls, the lilacs in a vase, the mysterious triangle dress on the usual plain slacked man-symbol on the door... it's all wrong!
I was in the women's bathroom, that's what I'm trying to get at here. I realized my mistake before any of my horrible male urine hit the bowl and found my way to the comfort of the men's room where I could pee in a urinal on a familiar urinal cake which I like to pretend is the polar ice caps and my pee is Global Warming. And I like to pretend the customary dead fly on that urinal cake is an endangered walrus that I am pushing to extinction.
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3 comments:
There's nothing like taking a wiz on a fresh urinal cake. I even plop one in my toilet at home so I can feel manly.
Funny shit!!
Female trash cans in the men's restroom!?! I like this thinking Armin-very feminist indeed. I can almost hear you roaring all the way up in Vermont.
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