radical leftists and a friendly game of darts

I guess I did so well at Koji Osakaya that they gave me a month long vacation. Or, you could argue, they made this decision after I gave them my two weeks notice because I guess it doesn't make sense to train a new employee for two weeks, then have him tell you he can only commit to working two more weeks... and of course, he'll still need heavy supervision and training during that stretch.

But, it was an amicable split and I told them I would call if I could fit a few hours of teriyakiing into my 2008 schedule. So now, I have ample time to do things like play darts with a roommate on a weekday night.

I don't know if there are internet laws against putting people's real names on public space without their permission, so I'll just call this roommate Eleanor, which is her real name, because I'm not creative enough to come up with a pseudonym.

Let me start off by saying that I get along fine with my roommates. They all seem like pleasant, good hearted people. I have never seen any of them carve swastikas in their foreheads or embezzle millions of share holder dollars. We all say hi to each other, invite each other to activities, and at times, even cook for one another. I don't have any of the freshman college naivete to think we're all the best of friends because we live together. But at the same time, I'm very pleased with my living situation.

And this roommate in particular is funny and friendly and I have nothing against her whatsoever. I just want to share with you this story of last night because it's funny to me how little you know about people you meet on Craigslist and how people slowly start to reveal fascinating personal qualities at odd moments.

Since I'm unemployed and Eleanor gets out of work by four, we decided to go to a local bar that has free tater tots during happy hour. She suggested we play darts and seemed very gung ho about the idea "I want to play darts. I love playing darts!" so we headed to another bar to play. I'm pretty sure she also said she's a big trash talker when she plays. So i was assuming we'd have a fun, but competitive, game of darts. nothing serious, a bit of ribbing perhaps, but all for fun.

Before we started playing, she warned me that I could not scream "FUCKKK!!!" every time I missed because this was her favorite bar and she did not want to be ostracized. About a week prior, we had played a gentleman's game of beer pong, and i guess i was loud and profane every time I did not sink a cup.

Admittedly, sometimes I get a bit animated when i play certain games like darts or beer pong. But that's just because i know what I'm capable of doing and want to duplicate the brief moments when I've attained greatness. I'm sure none of us will forget the night at The Last Drop when i stuck 4 bulls eyes in a row to complete an inspirational come from behind win against the heavily favored Robert O'Campo, henceforth to be known as the "Miracle on Cork."

More than even being disappointed, I just get excited. And sometimes, for me excitement manifests itself as screaming or breaking things.

It took a lot of self control, but I did not scream out while we played. However, I did take to pounding my fists into my palms or punching my forearms if I blew a shot. We played a couple games and it was obvious there was a disparity in skill. I am certainly not a great darts player, but I do TRY to hit a specific target. In other words, I don't just aim for the board as a whole, but try to hit one of the pie slices corresponding to the number i need, which she clearly did not like to do. That's fine if that's how you play... I just personally want to try.

After a second shut out win, I asked Eleanor if she wanted to play doubles together against a very nice couple that was putting in the most awesome songs on the juke box like "Midnight at the Oasis" and "Time Bomb." So i thought it would be a nice opportunity for us to make friends... friends who have awesome taste in music, except for their pick of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." That's right. I hate that song and anything you say to defend it will just make me hate it more.

So I was surprised when Eleanor said no. Then she explained that I took the game too seriously and that I needed to calm down. And she didn't want to play on a team with someone who would get mad at her for missing a shot.

Now I can commiserate with this feeling. I've played fourth grade kickball and been relegated to far right field and screamed at for missing a pop up fly. I've been chewed out for not grabbing a rebound. I've watched people who I consider super competitive and hate playing games with them. I have never considered myself that far on the spectrum. But i guess, by her standards, I was.
"I never get mad at teammates who miss shots," I tried to explain. "I don't care as long as you try."
"But i'm not going to try."
"Oh, okay. I just thought it would be cool to make friends with these people who also love 'Sailing' by Christopher Cross."
"I just don't understand why you get so mad about something like darts. Sports are not something worth getting upset over*"
"I'm not mad, per se. I'm just disappointed because I know what I should be able to do. I've played enough times to be better than that."
"I'm not good at darts even though I've played 500,000 times. And that talk of how you can get better if you practice is bullshit."
"So you don't think people can get better at sports?"
"Not really."
"Well sometimes, I think if you feel you should be able to do something and have done it in the past, but can't do it the next time, you feel disappointed. What's something that you are naturally good at?"
"Standardized tests."
"So say you did badly on your LSATs. Would you be disappointed in yourself?"
"That would never happen."
"You can't hypothetically picture yourself doing badly on a standardized test?"
"No."
"Really?"
"No, I can't imagine it. But I'm not good at math and I said a multiplication problem out loud and Malex [our other roommate] got the answer before me, but that's okay because I got it a second later**."
"Fair enough." I had many other questions for her, but wanted to end the interrogation because she seemed to be getting upset.
"I just don't understand people who care about sports. I mean, it's fine if people do--I can respect that--as long as they respect that I don't care. My husband won't watch sports."
"So sports have no value in this world?"
"No. People should not be paid millions of dollars to play a game." I was not arguing this point; i was just trying to clarify whether she really thinks sports (not professional sports) are worthless in this world, especially after she had been raving about how much she loves darts. "People should take jobs that help others... not for money."
"So no one should be a writer, artist, or musician?"
"No, those things are important. They make you think."
"But sports do not make you think? Sports don't inspire?"
She admitted she was biased towards art and music.
"So no one should take a job to make money?" I was baffled by this statement so I asked it again to make sure I understood her. I assume she meant sports stars shouldn't be paid millions of dollars to play a game. "Is it wrong to take a job as an accountant or a lawyer to make a living?"
"I'm not going to be a lawyer to make money. I'm going to help the environment and make less than $25, 000.***" I knew she was applying to law school but i did not mean that as a dig. I was just throwing out jobs that people to do, not because it's the most fun thing in the world, but because they need to feed dependents. It just seems impractical to me for everyone to do a job they are passionate about because we really just don't need that many cowboys and ballerinas in this world.
"Well I just spent the last week working with a woman named Gladis who cooks at a japanese restaurant not to help people, but because she needs money to feed her kid. Is there anything wrong with that?"
"Yes, she shouldn't have to work. The whole system is screwed up. That's why I don't like getting into this. I'm very radical****."
"So what will fix our society?"
"Not using corporate merchandise."
"Like computers?" Now that I did mean as a dig because I've definitely seen her use a laptop which I assume is not organic or sold at a farmer's market. She admitted she's at fault, too, because the system has been built in such a way in which we cannot help but contradict ourselves (my words, not hers). Then the conversation spiraled into her apocalyptic rant of how we as a society are doomed, a massive creature swallowing its own head (i don't think she actually said that, but that's the impression I got as she got more and more upset with me).
"That's why I drink and go to bars, because I don't want to think about it." she said at last.

Silence.

"I don't like showing this side of me," she said. No shit, honey.

We played one more game. I was much more subdued so as not to elicit more wrath. It was another rout and she seemed rather unhappy. Thankfully, another of our roommates had just joined us after she got out of work, offered Eleanor a cigarette, and I bid them farewell.

I am certainly not arguing that she has to be passionate about competitive games and sports. Nor am I saying that my self abusive behavior and yelling is within the realm of ordinary or even acceptable. What I am saying is it seems her intense aversion to my passion is masking her own fear of competition.

I am in no place to presume facts about her life since I barely know her, but I just get the impression that she had a lot of pressure to do well in things, so if there's something she's not good at naturally, she'll revert to the "I don't care, I'm not even trying" attitude that perfectionists tend to adopt. How could you say you failed if you never even tried, right?

But then again, this could be a time to break out Ockham's Razor because maybe I'm missing the obvious: I might just be really obnoxious to play darts with.

I'd like to hear other people's opinion on this. Have I misinterpreted everything? Are sports useless? How do they rank in importance amongst literature and art? For anyone who's played a game with me, am I a more competitive person than i think? Am I irrationally competitive? Am i unpleasant to play with? Is there anything wrong with doing a job to make money to buy things such as food and hot water?


*soon after saying this, she lamented "I wish i was playing someone who was at my level, but no one ever is," which makes me feel like she would have liked to win, or at least have been close in the game. If you really felt sports or games were not worth getting upset over, would you care who you played or how badly you got beat? She also said, "I'm playing a fantastic game, but when you hit yourself it makes me feel bad because you're beating me."

**This statement is interesting: she's trying to use this anecdote as an example of a time when she didn't mind doing badly, but she put in the caveat "I'm not good at math" which makes it safe to fail, and also said, "I got the answer one second later" to show she really didn't fail all that badly.

***a quick search on Yahoo! of "environmental lawyer salary" puts her earning somewhere at $60K-90K. The lowest figure I saw was $40,000 for a government job.

****my political viewpoints, while fairly wishwashy and lacking conviction, have been leaning more and more to the left since i graduated college. but being around people like Eleanor make me realize how incredibly middle of the road I am and completely undeserving of the label "liberal."

**********************

Q & A

Q: I don't touch the california roll. Is it really even considered sushi?
A: Since they can charge something like $7.00 for what amounts to a few tablespoons of rice, a strip of carrot and cucumber, and a couple avocado slices with fake fish, I guess you could call it sushi.